One thing I have learnt since Rhianna died is that every year since it isn’t just her birthday that is hard.
It is something that lasts for such a long time.
And Mr L and I literally have to drag ourselves through a long time of each year.
Rhianna’s birthday is the 23rd March, but this last week has been so hard.
Mr L and I grieve so differently.
And it means we clash.
But luckily now 5 years later we realise we are doing it.
And we can come back together.
But four years on I can totally see why it becomes too much for some people.
It is really hard.
We still have 8 weeks until Rhianna’s birthday.
And already we are grieving.
We are breaking all over again.
None of this will get better.
In fact over the past few years I have learnt it will get a whole lot worse.
We will come together.
We will scream and shout and fight and deal with things so differently.
But we will come back together.
For Rhianna’s birthday.
We always do.
Our feelings aren’t all done and dusted on one day.
They brew for weeks.
They last for weeks.
And they don’t disappear at the stroke of midnight.
In fact the week after her birthday is usually so hard.
Grief is so simple on paper.
In life it is so unbelievably complicated.
And this year is no different.