Five years ago today we announced you to the world

At 12 weeks and 3 days it was safe to do so

Today it popped up on my memories on Facebook

A simple photo and a statement

A loaded statement with so many dreams attached to it

Full of happiness and excitement

Now just a memory

And the start of the many but few memories

Things that become distant

Still important but distant when your child is with you


Developing and showing you something new everyday

But when they aren’t here

When they never took a single breath

It is such an important memory

Between now and Rhianna’s birthday this is the time the moments are there

Telling the world

Buying her first clothes

The twenty week scan

Telling everyone she was a girl

Announcing her name

And then announcing her birth

Telling the world she died

Such a small list

Such an important list

Things that go buy in the blink of an eye

But these things are all we have of her

All we will ever have of her

And they don’t become easier

Sometimes they become harder

I am dreading her birthday this year more so than most

And I can’t tell you why but I am

Today made me take my breath in

I wasn’t expecting it today when I looked at my memories on Facebook

I knew it had happened around this time but I wasn’t expecting it

And it made me stop

It┬ádidn’t make me cry it made me stop

It has made me think all day about it

I suppose as with every day we all have a choice here

We can let it floor us or we can celebrate her

This year I am going with the celebrate

Baba wants to buy her a tree for the front garden

We have her gorgeous shelves in the back garden but he wants something in the front too

five years, Rhianna Lily, Grief, Stillbirth, babyloss, memories

So this weekend we are going looking

But I think we shouldn’t stop at a tree I think we could make a front garden in memory of Rhianna

If she is having a tree then she should have other plants too

Ones that show love and that the boys can leave plaques in

Notes in

Hang lights from

And make it all magical

This year her garden will be fit for a princess

Just as she always has been!

Five Years
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