These last two weeks have flown by and before I have known it, the day has gone and I haven’t really stopped.
It has been my birthday which was lovely, I had a birthday that fell on the weekend which meant that all the boys were at home, and we were able to spend the whole day together.
Although we had to get up early because Baba’s golf lessons started again, and this time I booked him in for the 9-9.50am slot, and I am really not sure why I thought that was a good idea, so it was a massive shock to be honest. But we then went on and spent the day at the beach with my sister and family.
Which was cold but lovely.
We all had a very brisk walk along the front, and everyone got some serious fresh air and definitely were woken up by the sea breeze.
We then finished the day with friends round and a Chinese in the evening.
The perfect birthday.
I got loads of lovely presents, and got very spoilt and the most gorgeous cake, with a picture of Baba and Boo on.
But the problem with a good birthday is that it always comes with the flatness after, as with all celebrations.
And this last week has been busy but it has been hard.
As soon as the weekend finished I felt down and a little flat, and it has taken me most of the week to come out of it. I think over the last few years I have learnt to just ride the feeling out.
It is hard having a birthday and celebrating and missing your baby all at the same time.
But I try really hard near all of our birthdays not to dwell on missing Rhianna as the boys make a massive effort and get so excited so I would hate to ruin that for them. Having them both at school on certain days this week has helped in a way, it has meant I have been able to just sit, and try to recover and get through the days that I know will be hard and move on.
Today I feel a lot better.
Work is doing great, and there are so many exciting things that I am now doing, and I am really looking forward too it.
But this week I have been so grateful for the quiet times, while the boys have been at school, time to recover in my own time, and I have been grateful for the boys, in their wildest moments that have made me continue with the every day. I have been most grateful for the times when they have been in hysterics, having tickle fights, running across the playground to see each other, for no crying going to playschool and for the fact that they have been so good each morning.
Sometimes I think they just know when it is hard.
Maybe they feel it as well.
I have never asked if they get upset after a birthday because they miss her.
But maybe they do.
And maybe that is why they make the time after so much easier.
Easier to cope.
Easier to recover.
I feel better today.
I feel ready for next week.
And I hope in the future they realise how much they really help at these times.