It’s March and it has hit hard.
Last week I didn’t sleep at all to be honest, and then went down with a horrible viral thing, that I just could not shake.
It’s strange how your body deals with grief and how it makes you do things to cope.
Last week I was so ill that I had to stop I had to go to bed at the same time as the boys and I had to sleep, I did this for three days before I began to feel a little better.
But clearly I needed it.
It is probably the first time since 2012 that I have actually had some full nights of sleep.
Every year it is hard to know what to do in March.
We bumble through it.
The only thing that is certain is that Mr L and I spend Rhianna’s birthday together everything else is a blur and we scrape through it to be honest.
This year, I wanted it to be different.
I don’t want to be sad for the whole of the month, I don’t want the boys to know that Daddy and I are just scrapping by.
I want the month to be about Rhianna but happy at the same time.
So to be honest when we really don’t know what to do about Rhianna we discuss it with her brothers.
On the first of the month I sat with Baba and explained that I wanted it to be happy but also remembering Rhianna and he suggested flowers.
Flowers for every day of March.
A month of flowers for Rhianna Lily.
So that’s what we decided to do.
We went out that day and we brought flowers, and they have been going strong since then, and when they start to lose their flowers then we will buy new ones.
It’s such a simple idea, an easy idea but something that is so lovely something that Baba thought of and something that I hope we do every year.
Just one month, a full month of flowers for our little girl, and for their sister.