A Family Photo

Today we went shopping, nothing different there.

While we were shopping, we booked a photography session, they were advertising an offer and Mr L mentioned that we have never had a professional, in a studio, photography session with Boo. We did it with Baba, but it isn’t anything we have ever done with Boo.

But it isn’t a simple task of having a lovely family photo any more.

We will never have a family photo.

That really puts me off having family photos.

I love photos, I love photos of Baba and Boo, but there is something that fills me with dread when it includes me and Mr L.

A photo of Baba and Boo, is a picture of the boys, I disguise it as that, I rationalise it as that, in my own head. It makes it ok.

A photo of Baba, Boo, Mr L and myself, is a family photo.

But it isn’t.

It never will be.

In all our years, in every situation we will never have a family photo.

It was one of the reasons I didn’t want formal photos at our wedding.

Our photos are always missing a child.

Always missing Rhianna.

There should be the boys, with a little red-haired beauty in between, instead there is an empty space.

And it makes me dread a family photo.

I am a mum to three children.

I want a photo of all my children.

I will never ever have it.

Not till the end of my days.

There will always be one missing.

They will never be in the same photo, there will never be a picture of all of them.

Never.

And it breaks my heart every single moment a camera clicks.

Or someone gets a family picture.

It will never be complete.

And there is nothing we can do about it.



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